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Lori Heaford

Copy-Editor, Proofreader, Writer

Did They Really Mean To Say That?

Here is a selection of badly worded, and in some cases downright unintelligible, signs that have been circulated for years as a source of amusement. Yes, they are funny - but would you want one of them representing you or your business?

At a conference:

For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the 1st floor.

On a leaflet:

If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

On a repair shop door:

We can repair anything. (Please knock hard - the bell doesn't work.)

Outside a jeweller's:

Ears pierced while you wait.

In a launderette:

Automatic washing machines - please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

In the window of a dry cleaner's:

Same day dry cleaning - all garments ready in 48 hours.

In an office:

After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

Outside a furniture shop:

We promise you the lowest prices and workmanship.

Outside a new town hall to be opened by the Prince of Wales:

The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow.

In a restaurant:

Customers who find our waiting staff rude should see the manager.

Outside a nightclub:

The most exclusive venue in town. Everyone welcome.

At a garden fete:

Baby show - all entries to be handed in at the gate.

In a village shop window:

Half-day closing all day Wednesday.

In an office block:

Lift out of order - please use elevator.

In a hotel:

Sports jackets may be worn but no trousers.

On a traffic sign:

Parking restricted to 60 minutes in any hour.

In an office toilet:

Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

In a pizza shop window:

Open 24 hours - except 2 a.m.-8 a.m.

On a traffic sign:

No parking clamping in place.

In a hotel:

In case of fire please do your utmost to alarm the hall porter.